Thursday | May 24, 2012
Conquering the Quarterlife Crisis
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By
Jannelle So
22 April 2004
Like your peers, you are probably eager to get out of campus, looking forward to chasing after dreams and pursuing passions. In your twenties, supposedly some of the best years of your life, you feel powerful. Youth and energy are on your side. Nothing will stop you. Nothing can.
"Unfortunately, what I see happening a lot is that recent graduates enter the real world full of ambition and enthusiasm – which is then crushed," says Abby Wilner, co-author of the national best seller "Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties."
Quarterlife crisis describes the period where twentysomethings freak out. From the sheltered environments and structured lifestyles in school, you will be let loose in a huge world where anything could happen. From sympathetic professors and accommodating clubs, you will be thrust into the cold-blooded pit of the corporate jungle where two phrases may ultimately become your weapons of survival – "Watch your back" and "Cover your a_ _."
Sounds scary? Don’t fret. You are not doomed … yet. Whew. While the quarterlife years may sound alarming, like a real threat to your carefree existence, researcher Jeffrey Arnett gives a more positive viewpoint. He coined a term to describe the period that concerned most of the twentysomethings he encountered in his study. "Emerging adulthood is the period of life that is characterized by a lot of influx in the different areas of life: relationships, work, and lifestyle," he defines. "It lasts between the ages 18-25, although for some, it lasts until the late 20s." Clearly, this period is the marriage of unsettling and exhilarating. But how does one limit the anxieties and make the most of opportunities? Here are some ways to see you through "the hump:"
Keep it real: Yes, the 20s may be an exciting time of your life. But they can also be extremely frustrating. Wilner suggests setting "realistic expectations." Be aware that there will be challenges. For instance, no matter how much your ego is pampered by high grades and flattering remarks from professors, no matter how "big" you are in school now, you might (and chances are you will) have to start out small and humble in the real world. "The reality of it is that most people are gonna make certain kinds of compromises as they go through their 20s," says Arnett. "They might have to accept less than the ideal. Most of the jobs available to people aren’t wonderful jobs. They’re a way to make a living."
Goals vs. Deadlines:It’s always good to have goals because those will give you purpose. But Alexandra Robbins, co-author of "Quarterlife Crisis," explains that goals can be a disadvantage if they are confused with deadlines. "Don’t put pressure on yourself to reach these goals before you’re out of your twenties," she warns. Her follow-up book "Conquering the Quarterlife Crisis" is due for release late this year. It includes advice from twentysomethings who went through the crisis and survived.
Keep calm: However, even if you don’t have a clear idea of what to do with your life before getting a taste of what’s out there, there’s no need to push the panic button and run to the nearest coffee shop to overdose on caffeine. Today’s society puts a lot of pressure on twentysomethings to achieve something at a younger age. Don’t let that bother you. There seems to be a mad rush to succeed. Remember that there is no race to be won, only mistakes to be suffered from hasty decisions.
Know yourself: Finally, take advantage of your time in college. After you graduate, you will realize that this is a luxury you will not always have in the real world. Learn as much about yourself as you can. Different experiences will help you discover things as simple as your likes and dislikes, and as profound as what you want out of life. Life is a huge roller coaster full of sharp turns, unexpected twists, and sudden drops. Hopefully, after you survive the first 25 years of your life without much damage to your psyche, you will be able to relax and enjoy the ride. Keep in mind that amid the threat of a quarterlife crisis is the hope that the 20s may still be a wonderful time in your life. And the wonderful thing about being young is that you have the power to make your dreams happen!
Copyright © 2004. YOUNG MONEY®
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I can empathize with your new client. As a child, as for many years as an adult, I had no real confidence in myself, regardless of accomplishments. When I was a child, my parents tried to teach me the lesson of the ‘Little Engine That Could.’ As you recall, it could because it though it could. Whenever they told me that, I say: “but I don’t think I can”, as that was a far as it ever went.
When I was in college I read a science fiction novel in which the main character (if I recall, I don’t really remember the details) was consumed by fear. So he learned this small poem, which I memorized and said it over and over to myself:
“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
Recently I looked it up. It is from a book by Frank Herbert in the Dune series. Regardless of its origins, it really helped me; it helped that I memorized it and repeated it to myself a million times a day.
Well, there are other things that helped my in conquering fear and in ability to be confident, but that was one of the first steps.