By Zach Kaufmann
17 September 2008

1. Bank robbery. Last summer, two students, Andrew Butler, 20, from the University of Toledo, and Christopher Avery, 22, from the University of Cincinnati, fed up with high tuition costs, decided to rob the Valley Central Savings Bank in Reading, OH. Armed with guns and wearing masks, the two men made off with about $130,000. As Butler’s mom said, "He just really was struggling, working two jobs here, you know, temp jobs, two jobs and trying to get the money [for college]." It may be worth trying. After all, they made off with the cash, and weren’t caught until they tried to swap cars and an eyewitness phoned it in. That’s about right. If I learned anything from Quick Change, it’s that the getaway always goes hilariously awry.

2. College escorts. Stripping and nude modeling have been pretty respectable careers for a while now, unless of course you’re a University of Nebraska wrestler or a Miss America pageant winner. In Ireland and other European countries, students have been taking the next step: prostitution. Escort services have been encouraging students to try out that oldest of professions, with earnings around €125-150 an hour, and up to €2000 a week. In fact, one student told a reporter for the Irish Independent that he was earning €160 an hour and "€500 for a 12-hour overnight stay," which more than paid for his tuition. There are no benefits, per se, but you are paid upfront, so I guess that makes up for it. Students in Nevada should know all about this, as many of them have been making money at brothels around Reno, Carson City, Las Vegas and elsewhere for years now. Dennis Hof’s Moonlight Bunny Ranch is maybe the most famous example, and if you’re particularly business savvy, you could take some tips from Natalie Dylan, who’s currently auctioning off her virginity to pay back her college loans.  

3. Black market organs. Okay, so it’s not legal or safe, but neither is prostitution or bank robbery. And we’re talking about a lot of money here: anywhere from $10,000 to 25,000. I wouldn’t really recommend this if you play a lot of rough sports: football, hockey, boxing, beer pong. Turns out that only having one kidney can have some pretty adverse effects on your general health. Then again, flying to the slums of Kuala Lampur to have your stomach cut open by a surgeon whose only tools are a rusty nail and a plastic fork is a pretty good story. Just make sure they don’t take anything else out while they’re down there. Most of those other organs are pretty important. There’s also sperm and blood plasma/platelet donation ($50-75 each time), not to mention hair donation, which can bring in a couple thousand dollars if you’re good about conditioning and taking care of those split ends.

4. Advertising on your body. Maybe you’ve seen the cars with ads for auto insurance companies or IT services on them? What’s up with that, you ask? Well, advertising on your car is a hot new way to make some extra cash. We’re only talking about $400 a month, but when you’re a starving student any bit helps, and an extra $400 can buy you books, food, clothes, or pay your wireless bill. However, the real money is in advertising on your own body. I kid you not, companies will pay you thousands of dollars a month to (temporarily) tattoo their logo somewhere on your own body—arm, forehead, neck, foot, just about anywhere. A little tattoo removal cream and you can easily remove the tattoo logo whenever you get tired of being a corporate schill.

Disclaimer: We at Young Money understand that college is expensive, and of course recommend Federal Student Aid, reputable loans, and scholarships. The following (hilarious) alternatives are for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t really try to sell your kidney.